Building a wardrobe

If any headline I've ever written was guaranteed to bring people in to reading the blog, surely this was it? How can you possibly resist?

I toyed with 'screwing in the bedroom'; 'drilling (for) the missus' in the bedroom' and 'doing it on the floor in the bedroom', but 'Building a wardrobe' was a cut above I think.

When she who must be obeyed opined that she'd like a built-in wardrobe, I suggested that I should give her one. She said she'd rather have a local tradesman give her one instead and that I should get quotes from local tradesmen willing to undertake the task.

Which I did; 'who will give my wife one?' I asked. And sure enough several local men with wood came along and offered their services. Some of them were even carpenters.

In the end, however, she reluctantly agreed that I should take on the task on the basis that they were all quite expensive, and didn't find any who she wanted involved in her drawers.

I got the job. Call it nepotism, having an inside track, being cheap, whatever. I'd been appointed to the task of giving my wife one in the bedroom.

Well as they say a change is a good as a rest, so I set to the task with Gusto. A local Italian lad who seemed to be already at home in her bedroom.

Anyway, I bought some wood. 'four be two' I think it's called. I hadn't seen any 'naked' wood since I was at school and rubbed it down for about two years into a smooth thing that had no discernable use.

Oh and I did drill something to make holes in it so that it could house pencils. I know not why.

Strangely I had an electric saw (I have no idea why I had bought such a thing); a cordless drill (same) and obviously my trusty hammer with which I fix almost everything around the house. I also possess the ability to swear profusely at inanimate objects all the time. I am, although I didn't know it, practically a master carpenter already.

Anyway the delivery guy deposited the lengths of wood on my front doorstep four at a time ('sign here please') and I then struggled to pick up one piece of wood and carry it up the stairs into the bedroom. Of course I didn't struggle to bash each piece against the bannisters or gloss around the doors that I'd recently painted, leaving much evidence of my travails.

Build a frame they said (on the internet). Then simply slide it into place, apply some screws and Bob's your dad's brother. Yeah right. The frame might fit the wall to which one is applying it but standing the thing up in a room with bowed ceilings, is never going to work. Even with my hammer.

To be continued.... I bet you can hardly wait?