Building a bloody wardrobe

If you missed part 1 of this enthralling adventure you can avail yourself of it here.

'Four be two' wood is a bit of an issue for me. You see I have screws that are perfect for the 'two' bit of the equation. But the four bit, is a bit of a mystery. You don't seem to be able to buy screws that are long enough to go through the 'four' side of the piece of wood. Who knew that giving one's wife one (a wardrobe) would be so difficult? I just don't seem to have the length (of screw) required.

I've heard that before somewhere.

Anyway, the wardrobe. I started in the corner and screwed a floor-to-ceiling bit of four be two to the wall. Drilled holes, inserted rawl plugs and everything. And then stood back to admire my work. It was a start. Next the horizontal 'beam' and it was almost built. Trouble was I couldn't screw the horizontal beam to the wall post because it was erm attached to the wall. So it had to come down again and be laid out on the floor so that i could screw the horizontal beam to the vertical one. Because of limited space the horizontal beam had to go under the bed so that I could screw it to the shorter vertical one.

And then when it was soundly and firmly attached, 'solid as a rock' I couldn't actually get the horizontal beam out from under the bed to put it up against the wall.

So I partly dismantled the brass-and-steel bed but I had then to take the bedroom door off to get it out of the room. But that bedroom door has not been off since 1863 when the house was built so it had 150 years' of gloss paint to get through before I could get to the hinge screws which were rusted to fuck (technical carpentry term) and wouldn't come out.

So I drilled them out which took forever, and then took the door off, took the bed out and freed the horizontal beam. I then lifted up my inverted 'L' shaped structure of four be two, snapped it cleanly into place and screwed the horizontal beam into place in my pre-drilled holes.

Or at least I would have done if I could have got the thing to stand up vertically under my bowed ceiling. It would have fitted snugly but easily into place on the wall, but it would not fit under the ceiling between where I was now sweatily standing, and that snug fit against the wall.

And that, friends, is where she found me a few hours later, quietly weeping amidst my screws and saws and endless lengths of four be two. In a bedroom with no door and no bed.

And no wardrobe.

To be continued...

This is like Dallas ain't it?