Flawed flooring

It's not all politics you know?

Sometimes I get to fit floors. Or to be a bit more accurate, flaws.

Our new dog Rupert is in contention for the world's cutest mutt award and the Nobel committee is considering its verdict as we speak, write, read etc. You know what I mean.

 His nickname before he became a member of our eclectic family was 'puddles'. And it was entirely accurate.

I take him (Rupert) for long walks - six miles or so across the majestic Welland valley here in south Leicestershire with Jeeves who is now the elder statesman of dogs. He barks in a 'never, in the field of doggy conflict have so many posts and ears of corn and hedgerows been marked (wee'd upon) by so few.....' etc. kind of way nowadays. He's getting on you understand. As are we all.

 Rupert lends a youthful joy to proceedings, ever enthusiastic, always exploring, but also looking to Jeeves for guidance - 'what do we do now?' 'Shall I attack this Doberman?' Jeeves is a Yorkie and Rupert is a 3/4 Yorkie with a quarter of Maltese terrier thrown in. Or not thrown exactly, well let's not go there.

'Crusher' (I know) - Jeeves' predecessor (who hadn't been 'done') would have advised Rupert to tackle the Doberman, the horse and its rider next to it in his time, but Jeeves (who has) is a tad more circumspect. 'Not today Roop old chap, but just remember you could have taken him easily if you'd wanted to and killed him at will' - presumably if he'd got stuck in his (the Doberman's) throat.

Anyway these walks are fabulous, proper countryside on our doorstep, we see badgers and foxes and hares and rabbits and deer and  Red Kites. It's a real privilege to be able to do so just by stepping out of one's front door.

And they (the walks) take about an hour and a half to complete because it's undulating and sometimes steep and we have to take account of the old boy's fitness. And Jeeves' come to think of it.

Six miles. It's impossible not to have a pee on the way round. Jeeves sprinkles at will to mark his territory and even I have been known to unzip in the middle of nowhere from time to time.

Which reminds me, I went for a regular blood test - I never revise - the other day and found a new nurse at the helm. We hadn't met before. She got the finger pricking contraption out and said 'just a small prick'. I was wearing shorts but how she could tell so quickly is beyond me. They're clearly better trained these days than in the past.

Anyway, six miles over hill and dale, valley and glacial geology, kingfisher and brook, past church and village hall, up the hill to home. Six miles is a long way when one has four-inch legs, and so to an afternoon of slumber for the worn out dogs.

Jeeves has a big drink of fresh water and at this time of year lies down in the sunshine in the yard and goes to exhausted, but happy sleep.

Rupert also has a big drink of fresh water and then sneaks off into the back hall and pisses, like his life depends on it, about a gallon of piss that he has been holding in for the past hour and a half and six miles into the axminster.

Which is why I'm fitting a new floor.

To be continued.

Thanks for reading.